For such a big question, I will provide specific, but trivial, answers. (Let’s avoid controversy, OK?)
Campus: Fermilab has prettier buildings and nicer land. But, hey, some people like the quonset hut look! Those people would love CERN.
View: CERN, hands down. Although the Plains have their own charm, nothing compares to snow-capped mountains and vineyards!
Diversity: Draw. Fermilab has more ethnic diversity, but CERN has more national diversity (that is, everybody at CERN is Caucasian, pretty much). But you know, one hears three or four languages during the course of a day at both places!
Snow Removal: Fermilab, hands down! OMG, the snow removal is bad at CERN. There seems to be none! There was a big snow over the holiday period, and two or three cars tried to drive through. These tire tracks have been fossilized in the snow-now-ice for WEEKS!
Quantity of snow: The winner here depends on whether you consider more snow to be good or bad. Fermilab definitely gets more snow than CERN. I guess that’s why their snow removal is better.
Vibrancy: CERN. This is because this place is CRAWLING with young people! It is great! Of course, these youngsters are ignoring the possibility that physics from the LHC won’t come for (ahem) a while.
Wildlife: Draw. Fermilab has tons of deer and geese. (Some might argue that geese are bad because of their voluminous droppings). But CERN has deer, goats and sheep. As a matter of fact, both places have a bison herd (I wrote about that in a previous post, I think).
Coffee: CERN. I have learned the subtle virtue of the 1-ounce expresso.
Cafeterias: This is a tough choice, but I have to go with CERN. The Fermilab cafeteria is just fine–the salad bar is good; the entrees are reasonbly tasty and the sandwiches are fine. Moreover, the Fermilab cafeteria is quite a bit cheaper than any of the CERN cafeterias (in fact, everything in Kane County, IL, is cheaper than in Canton Geneve, CH). But there are three cafeterias at CERN, and they all serve wine and beer all the time. The pizza at Restaurant 2 (a.k.a., “R2″) is very good! The free French bread at R3 is fabulous and their pizza is wierd (who ever heard of artichoke and anchovie pizza??) but not bad. The atmosphere at R1 is quite nice (see “Vibrancy,” above). And compared with eating out, the CERN prices are acceptable.
I would like to expand this silly list to cover EVERYTHING in life at these two places. Check here, and at my web site, for more.